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Posts Tagged ‘memories’

rain falls
melting

long frozen sorrows below the
snow

frost heaved furrows open
soft earth

saturated
ground

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the first snow came
hard
before all the leaves had fallen

no red, orange and yellows
some still cling
lifeless
ghostly green
to the branch

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what what is need
what want is want
when wants gets what want wants
is it a burden

when want is not get
want moves us

motivation exploration ideation

but when want is get and get and get

and no give away
too heavy
to have to hold

wanting getting
letting go
not grasping
holding ideas in

balanced equations

these lines

of words

table of solutions
tucked away safe
implied

just fitted lines

a gesture of a brush
the whole of my experience shines

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once us
is no us
no you
no me
just little i

alone

time to turn and go

lover‘s steady subtle scorn
as open handed strikes
leave lasting contusions

chaos
confusion

time to turn and go

words stick
unpsoke’
no good good-bye to tell
no way to dodge

the damage caused

time to turn and go

blue purple bruises
deep inside me

– i see –

when i see
just little i
at last alone
allowed to be – just me
words unspoke’ unlisten’d choked

no good good-bye can be

i

find the strength now
don’t look back now
and i
turn and

go

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passing my past
on each corner
where i’ve walked
walked
walked

before

years of moments
on these streets

the urban landscape changing
stop motion film
my life plays out
again
again

again on these streets

what was i then
who am i now
concrete questions

i have seen these buildings go up
and down and
down and up

again
again
again

changing with the decades

and me
how have i been transformed
walking by these
shifting structures
five decades worth of

now

all this inside me
changes’ richness
moments collected
bricks up down

down
up

sidewalks once
new

now

cracked with age

five decades worth of
eye’s  inspecting
ear’s composing
finger’s touching
feet feeling earth

texture gravity evolution

making sense

five decade’s consciousness resonate still

this deep breath

memory pulled to present
open soft eye’d vision
from then to

now

all who’ve walked
who walk with me now
all their recollections
sensations sensed

pulse

breath

connected
dancing random patterns
constant metamorphosis

web of life

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what is here
in front of me
clean and dirty laundry

cats

throwing treasures to the floor
recorded music resonates

my sadness

if i think about detachment

don’t own the un-mated sock
or the dishes
in the sink –
if i don’t own the cats
clawing at moths

and ripping the screen

do i own my sadness

what is there
behind me

wake
distinctly discernible
patterns of pain
expectations, explanations, reasons and rational
big because-es

do i own my past
my sad specters

what is here
in front of me

cloudy morning
music
cats moving inside
breeze outside
hear the summer
soak in the green
fractal and chaotic patterns

of living leaves

do i own my future
my sadness sits

i watch it
i will not will it

it moves
on its own time
no different than
the cats
the leaves
the breeze

the dishes

the clean and dirty laundry

the solitary sock

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thinking
not thinking
on the edge of automatic
no noetic wisdom
tired from days decisions
a simple step slipped
into a kick

meeting metal leg of
pressed plywood Eames Chair
prize of my parents early marriage
recently departed mother
bought
sixty years ago
her first paycheck as a teacher
spent with spirit on modern art

with my new smart phone
just purchased
the cause of my distraction
i take a picture of
my purple broken toe
blue streaked tendons
and send it
wavering  its way on a world wide web
and instantly
assemble the image
in an inbox

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after

pondering

no reflection

is clear

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I am very excited that the author of A Twisted Pair has quoted me in the post – Be here now – particularly since I hadn’t remembered writing the comment he quoted and it sounded pretty good – I had one of those, gee, did I write that moments?

But as an artist who has been working almost thirty years for a very limited audience I have been delighted to find others out here in a creative and nourishing nexus.

I am reminded of a professor I had in graduate school in the early 1990s – Teachers’ College, Columbia University.  I was improbably working on (but destined not to finish, thankfully) a Phd in math education. He had returned to teaching after working as an experimental mathematician for Bell Labs and he had done a lot of work on multidimensional geometry. He talked a lot about modeling geometric solids that had more than three connections in space from their vertices – any number, n dimensional! It ended up having a big impact on how phone traffic is routed.

This was all before the internet was much – but I suppose it was a vision as to how it works now – a connection, to a connection, to a connection – almost a living network of nerve cells.

And so we blog. But not to boost our ego, but to lose it in our work, in the game, as we are reminded by A Twisted Pair’s post – out here in the vastness of the internet….

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Saturday nearly solstice morning
brilliant
only highlights and black shadows
no mid-tones
a fine day
to walk with myself

in recollection and examination of experience
imagination
in my mind’s eye
the earth
cycles round the sun
tipped
to reach this climax
of light

now ths
lucent lambent moment
i reordered my cosmos
rotated my axis
expanded the day

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